Well as usual I have to apologise for a long period without writing anything. I've always been keen to keep this blog updated to hopefully help others in my position, as I know from my own experience that anxiety itself can make it difficult to speak to others about it.
So where am I at? I'm not sure whether Covid has been a good thing for me or not to be honest. It's given me an excuse to stay indoors more, stay isolated, and to wear a mask when outside so I don't feel I'm on-show. That said, you could argue that's it levelled the playing field. I moved into a new job just over a year ago (during the peak of Covid) so nobody expected to see me in the office, and they've got used to contact being by remote technologies. My anxiety therefore hasn't been obvious to them.
We're being encouraged into the office 3 days a week now, and I find that a little odd. I'm only at 1 day so far, and that's usually Friday, as it's the quietest day there. We're not wearing masks, but we're keeping distance, and I like that. I'd love to know how others with anxiety are finding it.
It's in the family
Recently my brother started to behave unusually and I started to recognise the signs for myself of anxiety. It took him a while to open up about it, and if I'm honest, I don't think he helped himself by trying to keep it under-wraps when it was impacting him so badly that it was too obvious to hide. That must have felt bad.
That said, it's been good for me, as it gave me a reason to share my anxiety with my family. I live far enough away that they've never needed to know about my seeking medical advice etc.. My parents were particularly concerned (and remain so) in my brother, and the ability for me to say "I suffer with a bit of that too" was a great way to get it out in the open for myself, as well as supporting them through this.
My brother is taking a different path than me, trying hypnosis as well as drugs to reduce the effects. It's nice to be able to talk openly to one another however about your anxiety, and I'd really encourage anyone reading this with anxiety to find someone they can confide in. For me it was my manager of the time, but family is definitely good, and really anyone else around you at the time of anxiety increases. It just means you don't have to worry about their reaction if you get anxious, as well as giving you people to discuss your frustrations with.
I didn't realise when they were there, but my cats have been a big part of my support through their lives. I lost them both over the last year, and they've left a huge gap in my life. As very vocal and loving cats, I felt able to talk to them and they were always there to comfort me in tough times. Losing them has been incredibly tough, and I'm not sure how it is going to affect my confidence etc.
So where next?
Well I've now turned 40, and life isn't looking like it's going to give me a break on the anxiety front. I think I've found a good balance for me, and I've built enough people around me with knowledge of it, that I have a support network if I need it, and more importantly, a group of people who are never going to pressure me, as they know about my social anxiety/phobia.
I think my big challenge is to get into a relationship. At the age of 40, I really need to get on with that, but that's an area for me to work on.
Beyond that, I think I'm relatively happy. A house move has been on the cards for years, and while my cats were around I was genuinely looking. Covid held me back from a move, but I started looking again recently and realise how much confidence they gave me. I'm not sure how easy a move will be, but I certainly want to find suitable properties and to test my brain on how anxious a new area, new neighbours etc.. would make me. I can't stay in this place forever, and I wonder if a house with a garden would encourage me outside more, and increase social interactions, which less face facts is what my anxiety is all about!
If you suffer with social anxiety/social phobia and are reading this looking for a way forward, please read my older posts, and see the journey I've been on. For me I'd say the biggest improvement has come from recognising the triggers of my social anxiety, so I can predict them and decide how I can reduce the impact of the situation. I generally do more research into a situation that will cause me anxiety (usually a social event), this enables me to confront my fears early so they don't impact me too badly on the day. Confide in someone you can trust about this, and don't beat yourself up over anything related to your anxiety/phobia. Stay happy, and look after yourself, as ultimately that's what matters most!
Take care and stay safe everyone!
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