Psychologist Appointment 1 to tackle my Social Anxiety

Well apologies, it must be 2 weeks now since my first psychologist appointment. I guess I've been taking in the meeting, and getting on with a busy work life.

The appointment was in a doctor's surgery in a town just 5 miles up the road from my house, but an easy trip. It was an afternoon appointment, at my request (to ensure I was prepared), and I'd taken the day off work so there were no distractions.

I turned up 20 minutes before the appointment, found someone to park, and waited. As it reached 10 minutes before, I wandered to the surgery, and found the placed locked up. It was just after lunch, but I wanted to ensure I wasn't late... having hunted around, I took a wander up the road to clear my head, realising they wouldn't want me in before formal reopening.

As I returned to the surgery some 5 minutes later, I saw my Psychologist turn up (assumed at the time, but it really was her). I contemplated saying something to get me, but thought better of it. I saw her goto the door, hit the buzzer, and be let in.

A few minutes later, I did the same... a lady answered and happily let me in, saying they hadn't quite reopened yet, but I could wait in the waiting room. This settled my nerves, I wasn't late, and was in the right place now.

A few minutes later, I met my Psychologist. She led me through to a carpeted and excessively large room, and asked me to take a seat. Probably the most awkward part of the session came next, as she asked me to describe my issue. There's something horrid about explaining something you know to be a completely illogical overreaction to a situation.

We went on to look at some pre-work I had been asked to complete, in a letter from the people behind this session. She explained that Social Anxiety is difficult to root cause, but that it was common for sufferers to use my trick of flight, in the "fight or flight" situation of anxiety. The whole session took about 50 minutes, and gave her the knowledge of me she needed to give me my new homework!

It seems I was naturally leading myself in the right direction by starting to test myself, and put myself in uncomfortable situations. Her council led to a simple message... everyone suffers with anxiety, that's normal. But it is experience of these situations which leads us to realise that relax our anxieties in certain situations. The fact that I avoid, or minimise, social activity only reinforces the assumption that this anxiety is bad. In-fact, small exposure to low risk social activities will naturally lead to more comfort, and less anxiety.

Common sense, definitely... and for me an overwhelming pleasure that my current direction was actually already good. I just need to step into more of these situations.

The Slip Personality of Work versus Personal life

I've always found it odd that I suffer in my personal life with Social Anxiety, but not my work life. I did put this to my Psychologist. Apparently this is very common (regardless of anxieties) for people to act quite differently in their personal and work life's.

Next Step

Well I've got a list of exercises I should start to do. Basically everything from asking someone the time to complimenting someone you don't know. I've also got a list to create (and rank) of situations (as detailed as possible), that make my anxiety surface.

I've got another meeting this Thursday, so we'll see how that goes. They're now just 20 minute catch-up sessions to monitor my progress. It's really down to me from here.

A Cure?

One final thing I did ask my Psychologist, was where the end game was. Could I expect to be rid of anxiety, and "normal" as I would put it, without meaning to insult myself.

Her response was "no". Anxiety is something I should expect to always live with, I just need to acknowledge it, and realise when to challenge it. Not the best news, but something I'm sure I can live with... so long as I can stop it from stopping me from doing things I'd actually like to do!

On Reflection - for those keeping social anxiety to yourselves

If you suffer with Social Anxiety, seriously speak with your doctor. This appointment was slightly uncomfortable for me, of course. It was however really not that bad, and it gave me direction in where I need to go to control it.

I'm really glad I went along to it. It's not changed me yet, but I hope it's started me on my way.

Out clubbing with Social Anxiety - OMG!

Well last week was the week of the office party/get together. I usually manage to have some kind of excuse, or turn up for a brief moment, then disappear to the comfort of my own home. But this one would be different, I knew what I was playing with here (my phobia), and my manager did too.

My manager doesn't really understand my anxiety, but I've shared some details, and he's been very supportive. He never asks me directly about it, but he will hint towards it, in a very politically correct way... not that he has to with me at all!

A week or so before the event, one of the other managers (and only other person with an hours trip to home to make) commented that she was going to book into a hotel so she could let her hair down, and suggested I do the same. Just the thought paniced me... the expectation.

Well I managed to put it off sorting it in my head until the day before the actual event. I thought to myself, I soon take over this team (yes really, I manage to lead quite a double life, confident in my work persona), and must make an effort to bond with the team... I also need to fight my phobia, hiding at home only means it has won again. I've felt the feeling of losing to the phobia before, and it does NOT feel good.

So I plotted 3 scenarios:
1. Have the guts -I packed for the night. Evening wear, overnight stuff, and clean kit for the next working day. No hotel booked... we'd see.
2. Dip in and out - I know I can make my excuses and leave early, and drive home. This was the likely reality.
3. Wimp out - I know I can make my excuses and not even go along.

Plan in hand, I headed to work. The day turned out to be a nightmare. I had to get in early, and have a very stressful work day. This wasn't fun, and the time flew by. Soon, I was getting abuse over instant messenger about coming out (I had had to go to a different site to all my colleagues, due to the issues I was managing that day).

I planted seeds of doubt with them, testing the ground with them, and myself, about my tired state, and maybe I wouldn't make it. After playing a bit, and getting a good response (very much, they love me to be there, but appreciate if the day has taken its toll), I could see the direction this was taking... I've been here before, this is the path to failure.

I made up my mind, I found a local hotel and booked it to for the night. There, sorted. I packed up, and went to the hotel, changed and thought about things... this wasn't too bad yet.

I asked the hotel to order me a taxi. This did cause a slight panic, as I had not planned this far... I had nowhere near enough cash. Oh well, make do.

The taxi dropped me off at a cashpoint, and I tipped her despite the high fee, I needed to enjoy tonight, that meant everyone around me being happy too!

Arriving at the restaurant, just one of my colleagues was there... a chance for a quiet pint, and to welcome others as they made it.

Overall, the restaurant went really well, there were a few games, and these unplanned elements rose my anxiety, but I held it under control... and really enjoyed myself to be fair. It was definitely my personal persona, and not my confident work one there... but hey, I made it, and I was getting involved!

Showing off
As the restaurant party drew to a close focus went on the next location. Most would leave, but a core of 3 people wanted to go clubbing, but would start with a pub.

I had a hotel, and I was now in a safe place to test my anxiety... what the hell... I went with the pub party.

The pub turned out to be a proper student place... sticky surfaces, loud music, and dodgy artwork...I actually quite liked it. This was the type of place I went to when at Uni... I could do this.

Another pub came and went, this time, I was on soft drinks... I don't drink more than 1 pint at the best of times, I was now upto 3, and I wanted to retain control. Nobody minded, they were loving the fact that I was there, unaware of my anxiety, but aware this was well outside my comfort zone.

Next came the scary bit.... I followed the party into a cab, and we arrived at a basement club. I mean a real basement club. This was a big test... and whether alcohol was playing a part or not, I was up for it (ok, it took a bit of thought, and mind games).

We entered the club, got our hands stamped, got some drinks, and stood like a bunch of awkward people in one of the rooms... let's face facts, I was the youngest there, and I'm 30. The club was full of much younger people, and we were the granddad/grandmas in the corner!

The music was good actually, though only 2 of us seemed to appreciate it... I have wide musical tastes... it was very modern definitely, and it helped me that those around me where now awkward themselves.

We probably only managed 30 minutes or so in the club.... but we rounded it off with a shot each of something horrible (me included), and with that, we all headed home. I headed back to my hotel, and arrived at 2:30am, to lay on the bed and think about what I had achieved. There is no way I could ever see myself achieving that in the past.

The key was that my manager was there, so I had 1 person who knew to look out for me, and I knew he would defend me if I ever said I was uncomfortable and was going to leave. That settled me nerves. Beyond that, the key difference was me was knowing that I suffer with, therefore spotting the signs each time I went to walk away, such that I could rationally evaluate the situation, and challenge myself appropriately. The hotel being local meant "home" was very close, if I choose to escape.


I'm really impressed with what I achieved on this night. I know I was awkward in all these locations, so I definitely wasn't just heading out with the team... I was a bit of a spectator, but hey, I'd have placed a lot of money that I'd never go into a student pub again, due to my anxiety, let alone a basement club. Knowledge is power, is working out your safety nets it seems really opens up the ability to challenge yourself. Now if I could only do it without looking like a petrified spectator, I'd be cured!

First call - Introductory call with therapist for anxiety

A couple of weeks ago now, I had my first call for my anxiety, since being diagnosed. I should have posted back then, but there was so much already going on in my life, and in my head, that I simply didn't get around to it.

The call was what they called an "inductory call". The aim was open and honest... we need to tell you what to expect, and we need to get some information from you, so we know what to expect! Expectation set: 15 minutes for the call.

I took the day off work, to ensure I wasn't anxious, and thought about what I wanted to say.... I want to know about my condition, I want to know if there is a cure/fix, and I want to know how to handle it in the meanwhile.

In reality, it was a very fixed call. The chap I spoke with was very nice, but very clear he didn't want to double up for my Psychologist, so he wanted to keep to the absolute basics.

He asked me some simple questions, with scaled answers generally.

My only concern in giving these, is that I've learned to avoid stressful situations, to my answers sounded very good... I don't get that anxious, as I plan for stressful situations (e.g. this call!) and either avoid those situations altogether, or plan to the point that it isn't that bad. Hence, I don't actually get that anxious!

We discussed options at the end of the call, which really was 15 minutes long, true to their word. The aim is 5-6 Psychologist calls, which he believes is the right solution... I agreed, frankly only because the other options sounded quite intensive, and I just don't think I need more than a bit of guidance here to solve or manage this myself.

They said most people work with the Psychologist by phone, but face-to-face is available. Much as it may go against the logic of my anxiety, I asked for the first call to be face-to-face, as I really feel I need to trust this person before I can impart too much. We'll see, I meet her in 2 days time!

In short, these introductory calls are well planned and nothing to be scared about. That said, as someone suffering with Social Anxiety, I took a lot of comfortable in having the call in the afternoon, and the full day off work. I had the call in the comfort of my home, with plenty of time to prepare.

1 call down, now just to start a face-to-face chat... I'm not even going to pretend to not be nervous. I'm focused on the potential for resolution here though. That is a massive positive reason to see this through!