Diagnosed with Social Phobia

Well here goes... I've always seen myself as a quiet, shy kind of guy, though it never used to concern me. I have however now turned 30, and I feel I've missed out on some things in my life due to this overly quiet behaviour. None more so than romance in my life, which has been all but non-existent.

Challenging myself

About a year ago, I decided to fight my "introversion" (as I then saw it) head-on.

I started pushing myself in the office to be friendly with people I wouldn't normally speak with. Strangely I feel a lot more comfortable talking with a female than with a male. This has seen those around me seeing me as a bit of a ladies man (albeit a very awkward one!). This couldn't really be further away from who I see myself as, though it gave me an opening to share my personal challenge with trusted colleagues.

If I'm totally honest, just before I shared my challenge with my manager, I failed to go to a neighbours wedding reception. I'd managed one earlier in the year for someone at work, but found myself frozen with fear at the thought of this more local wedding. It really ground on me, and gave me the confidence to speak with my colleague as part of fighting my "introversion" head-on.

Realisation

My manager and I have a great relationship, and I've shared more details with him than I would ever care to share with many people. His shock however at my inability to bring myself to leave my flat in my personal life made me realise that my "introversion" was more of a challenge than I had originally thought. He himself is someone I would consider introverted, so if I shock him, I must be very strongly introverted.

Getting Help

The Internet is a great source of information, though it's always important not to take it too seriously. People get things wrong and document it like it is fact on the Internet... self-diagnosis is also not without its risks. With this in mind, I cautiously went searching for similar people, not to talk to (just the thought fills me with dread), but to learn from. It wasn't long before I came across the phrases "Social Phobia" and "Social Anxiety" time and time again. "Social Phobia" seemingly being an everyday name for the medical condition of "Social Anxiety Disorder".

Everything I read about Social Anxiety Disorder made me feel this really was me... with one exception... those suffering seemed to be pretty quiet at work too. I've always found it easier to separate myself from my quietness at work... I see myself as an actor at work, acting the part of my role. Odd maybe, but it means I've been able to achieve a good career without too much impact from my shyness.

To be honest, deep down, I've always wanted help to enable me to get out there a bit more. I have however always feared being (almost) laughed at in talking to a doctor about this. I did however have another reason to go to the doctor, I had 2 lumps that needed looking at, and a recent death of a colleague at work to cancer meant I really needed to shake off my fears, and go talk to the doctor about lumps that I'd had for almost a year now.

Whilst at the doctor, I struggled like hell to say it, but eventually explained my issue. The doctor was great, and explained that I needed to see someone about it. I thanked her, but said I only wanted to see someone to get a formal diagnosis, and to understand the challenge I faced. My hope was that a diagnosis (confirmation of my assumption of my suffering with Social Anxiety Disorder) would arm with the facts I needed to fight this myself. The doctor confirmed she wanted me to see a Clinical Psychologist, and to use them through the fixing process, not just for diagnose. On reflection, this is probably why she never confirmed or denied my self-diagnosis. Calling back to the Doctor's Surgery for details requested by my health insurance company, I was however told that a formal diagnosis of "Social Phobia" was now on my record.

The Journey to come

That takes you up to a week ago now (late November 2012). I'll plan to update this blog with entries as I work my way through the process of challenging my Social Phobia. I hope this proves useful for others quietly suffering out there.

I'd certainly recommend anyone who thinks they have Social Phobia to read up on it, and challenge yourself. One of those challenges may need to be to see a specialist. Hopefully future posts will show any value that can bring.

Would love to know what anyone reading this thinks... in terms of how this relates to you