Life continues... and is actually on the up!

It's been ages since I last posted, and I actually hadn't realised how long it had been.

I've now completed my appointments. In hindsight I seem to be viewing them as though they did nothing to change me, but I think that's the point... Social Phobia isn't something you can can shrug off. That is probably my biggest learning from the appointments... I have to learn to live with it, and in fact, to STAND UP to it.

In that respect, I guess life has changed. I've not changed dramatically, but I'm a lot more aware of situations that wind up my anxiety, and this triggers a new stage for me. One where I review the situation logically (at least I like to think so), and determine whether I'm avoiding the situation due to my anxiety, or simply because I don't like the situation. Only the latter are situations I now avoid, I tend to stand up to at least 50% of the other situations and see them through.

A great example is a recent friends wedding. I can't remember whether I previously referred to the original friends wedding which I avoided due to my anxiety, and which really awakened me to the need to confront this condition for me.

I was definitely anxious in the lead up, but my friend knew about my condition, and I tried to learn as much as I could before the situation. Amusingly I would know 5 people at the wedding, the Bride and Groom, and 3 others that I had met just once! A perfect recipe for my anxiety!

I felt I was running late on the day, though I arrived in perfect time in reality... had an awkward chat with some strangers, and made my way in.

The day overall was actually very enjoyable, and was great proof to me that if I ignore my anxiety, the situations themselves are perfectly ok. In fact, more than ok... I met a lovely girl at the reception, and worked hard to overcome my anxiety, even forcing myself onto the dance floor partway through the evening.... somehow we ended up taking a walk together, exchanging numbers and agreeing to see each other again. That has NEVER happened before in my life! Ok, so it may not lead anywhere, but my ability to stand up to my Social Phobia was the whole reason that situation came about in the first place. Of course, I now have to overcome them again to try to maintain anything there, and that maybe something I'm not quite capable of seeing through yet... we'll see, I'm trying.

Work - This weeks amazing story
To add to the recent changes, I found a fantastic job opportunity, and managed to get the guts up to submit my CV for it. More incredibly, I got a call regarding it from a very excited resource manager asking me to keep this week free for a possible job interview.

On Tuesday morning I got a phone call saying they were holding an assessment day on the Wednesday, and that they would like me to attend. I'm not sure whether the short notice was helpful for my anxiety or not, but I was definitely extremely anxious (who isn't when a good job interview comes up!). The assessment day would involve group work, an interview, and a presentation on a topic I would only be told about shortly before I had to present on it... wow. No pressure.

I focused on preparation, both knowledge of the business, and getting a decent (brand new) shirt for the occasion. I ended up turning up feeling ok about myself, having convinced myself this was just a regular business meeting, nothing special.

To cut a long story short... it went ok, I actually quite enjoyed it overall. I went home assuming it would be a "no", but telling myself it was good experience and a sign that I actually could do these things.

Incredibly the very next day I got a call offering me the job. 18 people interviewed, and the anxious one got it? No way? Oh flipping heck!

and that, was this week! 48 hours from interview invitation to job acceptance! I've accepted the job, and will be resigning from my current work on Monday. This may not be the right move, I accept this, but it's all part of my desperate attempts to challenge myself and my anxiety. Having met a nice girl, and got a new job, I really feel I can achieve anything, albeit with a bit of nervous awkward panic!

I will try to keep this blog updated, as I have no doubt that things won't remain as rosy as they feel right now... but I'm keen to share my experience to show anyone who has Social Phobia/Anxiety that it can take a while, but it has taken me 6 months of challenging myself (and professional help to be fair) to change my life. It really is well worth it... I feel a lot more control over my life.